![]() When we don’t want to show a part of ourselves, we create a fake face or public persona for the world. These types of studies show us that expressing a broad range of emotions (even the “not-so-positive” ones), having words to describe how we feel, and facial expressions to emote (yup that can mean crying) help us regulate our stress response. The emotional suppressors may have appeared cool and calm but on the inside stress was erupting! One group was asked to watch the videos while letting their emotions show whereas the second group of subjects were asked to watch the films and act as if nothing were bothering them.Īnd guess what? The participants who suppressed their emotions (acted as if nothing bothered them) had significantly more physiological arousal (Gross and Levenson, 199 7 ). In one study, for example, research participants were divided into two groups and shown disturbing medical procedure films while their stress responses were measured (e.g., heart rates, pupil dilation, sweat production). Several psychological studies show us that hiding or denying feelings leads to more stress on the body and/or increased difficulty avoiding the distressing thoughts and feelings (see here, here, and here). If you can fill in that blank with ANYTHING, whether it be a situation, a feeling, or an experience there is a high likelihood that there is some shame around that. Here’s a clue on how to know it’s there, ask yourself, “If they knew _ about me, what would they think?” or “Something I wouldn’t want the world to know about me is _.” Often, we don’t even know that we are feeling shame. Shame is crippling to the human spirit and one of the most uncomfortable feelings we can feel. In other words, where there is hiding, secrets, and denial, shame is usually in the driver’s seat. Most of us don’t want to be seen as a drag or “bad,” so when the choice is between A) be brave and honest or B) pretend like everything is going great, we might be tempted to adopt the latter.Īuthor and researcher Brené Brown teaches in several of her books, presentations, and interviews that the energy source of shame is silence, secrecy, and judgment. To force a positive outlook on pain is to encourage a person to keep silent about their struggles. Why Toxic Positivity is Bad for Our Health Brushing off things that are bothering you with an “It is what it is”.Shaming or chastising others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity.Trying to give someone perspective (e.g., “it could be worse”) instead of validating their emotional experience.Minimizing other people’s experiences with “feel good” quotes or statements.Feeling guilty for feeling what you feel. ![]() ![]()
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